Parting Ways [for Hunter]

Seren drew in a deep, shaking breath as she walked across the grounds. She lifted a hand, absentmindedly twirling a piece of her hair around her finger and completely ignoring the frigid air that bit into her skin. Seren hesitated as her destination came into view. The tree by the lake. The one that he always went to. The one that Seren had her first REAL kiss under. The place that she could always find him if she didn't know where he was. And today was no different. He was there. That damn tree. Seren's eyes lingered on him, completely picturesque against the frozen surroundings. It almost wasn't fair, how perfect he looked. It didn't help. Didn't make what Seren was about to do any easier. But it wouldn't stop her.

Slowly, Seren forced herself forward, approaching him. She wasn't sure if he noticed her or not. He seemed to be distracted most of the time lately. Like he was living in a different world. Seren took small, deliberate steps, not really wanting to close the gap between them at all. She really wanted to just turn around and run back into the castle and forget she'd even considered this. But she couldn't. Seren had to go through with this. Because, as much as she cared about Hunter, she had to do what was best for herself. Things couldn't stay like this. They couldn't.

Seren reached him, and the moment she saw his face she nearly lost her nerve. She could hear the shaking in her voice when she spoke. "Hunter," she said, quiet and unsteady. Taking another breath, Seren gave him a weak smile. "Let's go for a walk. I want to... want to talk to you..." This felt wrong. So wrong. To do this to him when he was in such obvious distress, all the time. But Seren couldn't go on like this. "Come on," Seren said softly, holding her hand out to him.

Why was it that Hunter always found himself drawn to his tree of solitude in the freezing dead of winter? Not that the cold made any difference to him. Since he'd started Hogwarts, it had always been a welcome distraction from whatever had driven him there in the first place. And until this term, it had always done it's job well. But now, as the wind bit into whatever skin he had left exposed above his scarf, he was hardly aware of it's attack. His mind was too occupied by a never ending stream of confusion and misery to even notice the chill in the air. Life still sucked. Things would still never be okay. Yet, somehow, they were better than they were before. Somehow, through so much tragedy, he'd found that there was still somebody worth caring about. But as he caught someone walking toward him out of the corner of his eye, a wave of guilt washed over him. Because the person worth caring about wasn't her.

"Hey," Hunter greeted her, not catching the strangeness in her tone at first. He forced a smile, even though he was sure she would see right through it. She was smart. She saw through everything. He started to adjust the way that he was sitting so that she could sit down next to him, but stopped and looked up in surprise when she spoke again. Seren was usually so demanding and sure of herself, but the way she was hesitating made it clear that she wasn't here to sit down and enjoy the view. He hesitated as she held out her hand to him, instead raising his eyes to search her face. She looked distraught. And maybe she'd looked that way all along this term - in all honesty, Hunter wouldn't have noticed. But now, really taking the time to look at her, he could see the defeat that filled her eyes.

Slowly, he reached up and entwined his fingers with hers, pushing himself to his feet and gazing down at her with concern. "You okay?" he asked softly, inclining his head and pulling her along at a slow pace, finding his way to the shore of the lake so that they could walk along it. Without his permission, his heart began to beat more rapidly beneath his chest as he watched her, and another wave of guilt punched him solidly in the gut. Because it was hardly any secret what she wanted to talk about. If you could look up "shit boyfriend" in the dictionary, it's definition would be "Hunter VanDerberg." He hadn't intended to hurt her, but he'd be a liar if he said he wasn't aware of it. He'd be a liar if he said he cared either way. But suddenly, between the look on her face and the way she was speaking, he was starting to realize that maybe he should have been caring all along. His hand unconsciously gripped hers a bit tighter, as though she'd slip away instantly if she didn't. Not that it was supposed to matter. But all of a sudden, it did.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked, trying to keep his voice nonchalant. Maybe it wasn't what she wanted to talk about. And if it was, he could fix it. Did he want to fix it? Ten minutes ago, he would have said no. Or, at least, he would have said that it didn't matter. But now, he wasn't so sure. So, Hunter just took a deep breath and glanced up at the lake, waiting for Seren to continue.

Hunter wasn't sure if he'd ever seen Seren like this before. She was hesitating. She was nervous. And she was clearly trying her best not to cry. And all at once, just from the look on her face, Hunter knew that there was no escaping from this. Not this time. Then she started talking, and if he'd had even a sliver of hope left that this was about something else, it was shredded in that moment. Her voice broke immediately, and then she started saying how much she cared about him, and he knew that it meant that there was no going back. This was always how it happened, wasn't it? Just like the movies. And though he should have been prepared for it - had been prepared for it - Hunter suddenly didn't have the slightest clue how to react. So just looked out at the lake as they walked and took a painful breath as her words caught in her throat.

"Seren," he said, as though cutting her off would be enough to end this whole thing. To make her realize that she could stop - that she didn't have to do this. But she just kept talking, and every word was like a knife in his back. All of them painful. All of them true. And, worst of all, all of them leading up to the inevitable. Hunter closed his eyes for a moment as they walked, not bothering to try to interrupt her again for the moment. It wouldn't do any good. But as she spoke, he could hear her voice change. She was upsetting herself more as she went on - or, maybe she'd always been this upset, and was only now letting it show. Seren was one of those people who hated to be weak. She never let her guard down - never let anyone hurt her. And that she'd let Hunter push her this far proved how hard she'd been trying for him. And he'd taken advantage of it. Ignored it. And only now was he seeing how much it had really effected her.

Maybe if he'd been able to let her in. Maybe if. Those words were harder to stomach than anything she'd said this far. Maybe if, things would be different. Maybe if, she wouldn't feel so unimportant. Maybe if, she would stay. And then, there it was. I can't do this anymore. Her voice was rising - desperate. And suddenly, everything Hunter had imagined this moment to be was gone - useless. He'd thought that it would be easy. That it wouldn't matter. They'd get this over with and she'd be on her way. But he'd been horribly mistaken, because all of a sudden, Hunter would have done anything to change her mind. Unable to keep quiet anymore, he cut into the conversation. "No, Seren, come on. I'm sorry," he said, a pained tone to his voice. "I know that I haven't been what you deserve, but I can be. I was - " But he cut himself off, because wasn't that the problem? He was. Before. But even as he said it, he knew that it was a promise that he couldn't make. Because he knew that he would never be the person that he was before. He couldn't be.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, as the tears finally started to fall from her eyes. As she brought up all of the terrible habits that had spawned from his grief. He was losing himself. She was losing herself. She was sorry. Hunter had hardly noticed that they had stopped, but for some reason, the feeling of her hand slipping from his created a desperate feeling in his chest, and he instantly reached for her. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders - burying his face in her hair. She was shaking, and his arms tightened around her. Because he couldn't fathom letting go. "I'm sorry," he muttered into her hair. "Seren, I'm so sorry. I just - I don't know how - " Fuck. Fuck everything. "I can stop. I can be better, Seren, please don't do this," he went on desperately, though he knew that his words were a lie. "Please," he repeated. "I don't want to lose you."