Code Red (Ariel)

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. After a few seconds, Hunter was pretty sure that even an infinite amount of fucks wouldn't be able to accurately represent how he was feeling at the moment. After talking to Victoria in the pub, Hunter had gone through about a dozen different stages of panic, each of them just as miserable as the last. And then, in the end, he'd ended up stopping in Florean's to tell Aoife that they'd do date number one another time. Which was probably a terrible decision, because after what he'd found out, he knew that there probably wouldn't be another time. But he couldn't handle a date with Aoife right now, let alone a first date with Aoife. It would be a completely miserable experience for both of them, and he was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to exert that much self control over his desire to either scream, break something or both.

He thought about going to the Shack, but his head was pounding worse than it ever had. So, instead, he'd gone back to the castle, determined to take some pepper up potion, go to sleep, and not wake up until after Agnes had popped out a baby. Hunter tried his hardest to not punch anyone in the face as he made his way through the castle, and thankfully succeeded. It wasn't until he got to the common room that he failed at appearing normal. Because, sitting in one of the armchairs in the common room, was Ariel. Who knew that he was supposed to be with Aoife and would be wondering why he was back. Who would read the panic in his face in an instant if he gave her the chance. And who he couldn't avoid, because she was facing the portrait hole. "Hey," he tried to greet her in a forced nonchalant voice, but brushed past her without sitting down, instead bounding up the stairs two at a time and finally, slamming the door of his dormitory behind him.

Holy shit. What was he going to do? And suddenly, all at once, he felt his brother's loss more than ever. Because Jack would know what to do. Jack always knew what to do. What would Jack do? But, the problem was, Hunter had no idea. Because Jack would have never gotten himself into this situation. Hunter had fucked up his life far beyond anything Jack had ever experienced. In fact, if Jack were here, Hunter could give him advice. Advice like if I die, don't turn to alcohol and sex because you will probably impregnate somebody. But, if it was Hunter who had died, Jack would have never done what Hunter had. And, perhaps driven on by panic, his thoughts took a slightly unrational turn, and he realized that if Jack had never died, this would have never happened. He would probably still be happily dating Seren, would probably not nearly be an alcoholic, and definitely wouldn't have to worry about being a father.

This was Jack's fault! And even as he thought it, he could imagine Jack up in whatever place he was, completely happy and well, laughing at his little brother's misfortune. "Yeah, well you can go to hell!" Hunter said out loud as though his brother would be able to hear it, finally letting go of his self control. But then, after the fact, he actually processed what he said and instantly realized that he shouldn't have said it. Because telling a dead person to go to hell was probably a lot more offensive than telling an alive one the same thing. "Okay, sorry. I mean fuck off, this is all your fault!" For a moment, Hunter wondered if he was just going crazy, talking at the ceiling as if it made any difference in the world. As if it helped. It didn't help. Because he didn't get a response. Nothing. Wasn't he supposed to get some kind of symbolic indication that his brother could hear him or something, like in the movies? Apparently not, and Hunter felt his anger flaring in his chest. Without thinking, he grabbed one of the pepperup potions sitting on his desk and flung it at the wall, not even flinching as it shattered into pieces, the potion splashing everywhere. And then he was shouting. "DON'T IGNORE ME YOU ASSHOLE, I COULD USE A LITTLE HELP DOWN HERE!"

Ariel was seated sideways in one of the really comfy armchairs of the Gryffindor common room, feeling the fire warm her up. December was much colder than Ariel had remembered that they got at Hogwarts. Snow had yet to fall and stay, but the chill in the air was much more prominent than her memory served. In other words, she'd found herself seated in front of the fire much more often than she usually did at this time of the season. She had taken to reading quite a few books, but this time, it wasn't her reading that occupied her. She was writing down stuff in her diary. Her old, thick and ragged diary with all her scheming plans. She really ought to put more of them into action. She only had two and a half more years left at Hogwarts. It was a pretty darned scary thought.

This year, with the exception of Hunter, Ariel had also withdrawn a bit from others. Of course, not in an anti-social way. She'd been at the Quidditch match, she'd celebrated Hunter's birthday, she'd even talked to Seren in the library! But still, the fact that Darcy was gone from Hogwarts was a huge gap for Ariel. She didn't sneak up to Darcy's dormitory and stayed there for a night, she didn't drag her sister with her to the kitchen, she couldn't exploit the Head Girl thing... So many things! And this day had been slow. She hadn't felt like going to Hogsmeade to spend her day, because that was another thing she did with Darcy. Or Hunter. She hadn't worked that day either. So she'd basically just spent the day finishing the Silmarillion for the umpteenth time and plotted evilly. Which wasn't really a day wasted, just a long day.

Just as she put down her diary, the portrait hole opened and Ariel instinctively looked up. And frowned. Hunter. Wasn't he supposed to be on a date with Aoife? He looked startled to see her there, and she could see something resembling shock on his face. Wait... Was that Hunter's panic face? Hey? Ariel didn't even have time to process the scene in front of her before Hunter ran up the stairs, slammed the door, and left Ariel sitting there like a questionmark. She wasn't surprised though, that the date hadn't gone the way it should have. After all, it was Hunter and Aoife... But still, they were only supposed to have met ten minutes ago... What could possibly have gone wrong so quickly? Besides; panic? Not really Hunter's thing.

Ariel put the diary on the table, having frozen with it just before she put it down at Hunter's entrance. She rose and slowly walked up the stairs. What was going on? Ariel's frown only deepened as she reached the door. "-you can go to hell?" What was that all about? Her hand reached for the doorknob. Was he really speaking to her? She couldn't understand how. Sure, Hunter knew her better than anyone, and it was probably a given to him that she'd walk after him. Did he really want her to sod off? And then he was apologizing. And then he wasn't. How was this her fault?! Ariel really didn't understand shit. Should she go inside? Of course she should... But- She didn't get to finish that thought when something seemed to crash and break and Hunter suddenly started shouting. Down here? HAD HE HURT HIMSELF?!

Ariel instantly rushed in through the door and only just saw Hunter's face looking up into the roof before looking to her. He had not been talking to her. Ariel stood in the door for a bit longer, leaning on it, before she slowly walked inside and closed the door behind her. She could see the bottle that had been smashed and the liquid on the floor and wall. He was clearly panicking. Why, she didn't know, but it was bad. She had turned to the idea of her father when she'd been upset before, but Hunter was panicking. She slowly crossed the floor, feeling that quick movements was just panic-inducing, and took his hand. "What happened, Hunter?" she asked softly, looking into his eyes.

The moment that the bottle shattered against the wall - the very moment that Hunter was through shouting at his asshole of a brother for help, the door to his dormitory swung open. It was almost surreal - unbelievable - how perfectly timed Ariel's entrance was. And in his weakened state of mind, Hunter could only stare at her for a moment and then look up at the ceiling again in amazement, instantly attributing her presence to his brother's supernatural intervention rather than to coincidence, which was the more likely of the two. Because for the first time since he'd lost him, he felt his brother's presence. Really felt it. And just the idea - the completely impossible idea - that Jack could hear him was enough to distract him momentarily from the problem at hand. "Show off," he muttered at the ceiling with a glare, before his attention was finally stolen by a warm hand slipping into his own.

At first, a small wave of warmth rushed through him at the contact, and Hunter strained his ears to listen to Ariel's voice. But then he realized what she was asking, and all at once, reality came crashing around him again, hitting him just as hard as it had the first time. Because it was obviously too much to ask to be distracted from it for more than a few seconds. Agnes was pregnant. Agnes was pregnant, and Hunter was an asshole, and his idiot brother had sent Ariel to check on him, and apparently hadn't realized that Ariel was for once potentially the last person that Hunter wanted to talk to about it. Or, more like, Ariel was the last person that Hunter ever wanted to admit something like this to. So instead of answering her question straight away, he just looked down at her. But he found that he couldn't even meet her eyes because he couldn't imagine having to tell her the trouble he'd gotten himself in - what he'd done to Agnes. So he just looked down at their hands, clenching his fingers around hers and taking a deep breath.

"I was just - having a chat with my brother," he said, still refusing to look at her. His thumb traced one of the veins on the back of Ariel's hand, and he tried to focus on how warm her hand was. How her skin was smooth and soft and flawless, unlike his own, which was rough and calloused. Their hands were so different - so incompatible at first glance. He absentmindedly, slowly, rotated them, and the moment it was visible, his eyes were drawn to the scar along the back of his knuckles. He'd lost count of how many times he'd re-opened it in his past anger, and it always healed, but crudely. And all of a sudden, it hit Hunter how different he and Ariel really were. Warm, flawless, soft. Rough, hardened, scarred. Those words didn't just define their hands. They defined them. Two people, who had had perfect lives and until they had each lost someone they could never have imagined losing - yet somehow, as a result of their own choices, they'd ended up so different. And for a moment, he wondered if Ariel realized how different they really were. Wondered if she understood that the fingers that were clenched around her hand had been broken in anger more times that she could count. And in the end, he loosened his grip, pulling his hand away, because after all of that it felt wrong and incredibly selfish to defile her perfect skin with his own. Especially with what he was about to tell her.

"Okay listen," he started, still refusing to look at her face. There was no way he could look at her face. Just telling her was going to be hard enough. Ariel was the brightest, purest person that he'd ever met in his life. He'd made that joke about Aoife waking up with him that one time - but that was different. And a joke. And Ariel's surprise when he'd said something as innocent as that was a bit extreme. And she obviously hadn't ever - did she even know what that meant and - no of course she knew - but holy shit she better not know know, because she was only - and if she knew then some git would be getting punched in the face and - oh god, he had to stop thinking about it. Because it was disturbing and the idea of some guy having anything to do with Ariel made him want to punch another wall and the realization that he was probably the worst of all of the guys in the school made him feel like an ass for being around Ariel himself, because there wasn't anyone that he could protect her from that was more dangerous than him. And he was just panicking and there was too much thinking and he still hadn't even started to explain to Ariel what was going on and she was standing in front of him waiting and holy shit, Agnes, what the fuck?

"Okay, remember how I told you, when we fought last year, that I had to resort to other company?" he asked, running a hand through his hair and glancing around the room uncomfortably. "I ended up spending a lot of time with Agnes Beaumont - you know, the french transfer?" He almost felt guilty admitting it, because he'd kept that from Ariel, even once they'd started talking again. "I could never sleep after Jack, and we were both always up late, so we ended up talking almost every night... I mean, it helped distract me from - everything, and..." Okay, easy part over. Now for the hard part. "And, well, after Seren and I broke up, Agnes and I...we er... we did a little - a little less talking?  On a pretty regular basis?" Holy shit, kill me now. Having absolutely no idea how to even continue after that, and definitely not being able to meet Ariel's eyes, Hunter sighed and sat heavily on the nearest bed. He'd come this far - might as well just get it over with. "I went to the Three Broomsticks today to meet Aoife, and ended up talking to Victoria, and she told me that - Victoria said - " Did he really have to say it out loud? He hadn't so far, and just the thought of it made him want to throw up. But he had to say it, and in the end he forced the words out. "Ariel, she's pregnant," he finally admitted miserably, closing his eyes and dropping his head into his hands.

Ariel was worried about Hunter, but it was nothing compared to what happened next, when he looked down at her and couldn't look her in the eye for more than a second. Ariel frowned. What on earth had happened, and why couldn't he look her in the eyes. Had he done something he shouldn't have? Was he gonna try to push her away again? Ariel grit her teeth, preparing for the very worst when he said he was having a conversation with his brother. Ariel had to smile at that. A soft smile. An understanding smile. "I've done that," she said, nodding her head slowly. She couldn't count how many times she'd 'talked' to her father in her dormitory. She wondered if this was the first time Hunter had done it, or if he talked to Jack often. More like talked at. But talked nonetheless. She hoped he did. It helped her to think that her father could see her and was always around her. It made her feel safe and loved, and though it made his death no more bearable, it made it easier to think about.

As Hunter wasn't looking at her face, she studied his ferociously. And she saw the way he was looking at their hands from different angles and the way his face changed while looking at them. She wondered when he'd pull back, but knew it would happen, and she braced herself for it. Because whenever he pulled away, be it from a hug or just distance-wise, or by pulling his hand out of hers, it always hurt her. And he seemed to think it didn't. Which she absolutely hated. He seemed to think he was doing it for her, and every time, it only left her hurt. Now was no different. Just as she had predicted, he did pull his hands from hers. She was about to say something when he spoke up. She decided to let him speak, but it took a moment. He seemed to be deep in thought, almost painfully so. Ariel didn't really know what to do, so she crossed her arms to make up for the hurt that he'd pulled away. Again. She continued to watch his face, his eyes that wouldn't look at her. Why did he think that she would judge him? Did he always think that? Why couldn't he just tell her things? Did he really think so little of her? Ariel knew it was stupid, because Hunter didn't think little of her. She knew this. But still. He was so ignorant!

Ariel nodded as he started talking. Of course, she then remembered that he wasn't looking at her. "Yes," she confirmed, her voice soft, but the worry obviously there. Because despite how ignorant he was, Ariel was much more worried than she was hurt. She'd always be more worried than hurt. Agnes Beaumont... Ariel had seen her around in the common room, but she'd never spoken to the girl. This time, Ariel didn't confirm anything, and just waited for him to continue. If he chose to look up at her, he'd see just how much she wanted to know just so she knew how she could help him. Support him. So they'd spoken a lot. That was fine. Ariel couldn't stop feeling a bit bitter that he'd gone to this Agnes instead of herself, but Ariel wasn't a selfish person, so she whisked the feeling away. The second he mentioned his breakup, Ariel instantly had a foreboding feeling of where he was going with the story. If the mood in the room hadn't been so dank, she'd probably had laughed at his phrasing of 'less talking'. But this wasn't about him admitting to her that he'd had sex with some transfer student for comfort. If it had been, he might not have such trouble looking at her. But as he fell on the bed in such a hopeless manner, Ariel knew before he said it, and she considered letting him off by stopping him and telling him she knew where he was going, but he should admit it. He should say it aloud, because not only did he have to say it, Ariel needed to hear it.

Despite knowing just what he was going to say, the words still struck Ariel as Hunter said them aloud. Pregnant. Hunter had gotten a girl pregnant. A student. Was pregnant. Because of Hunter. And he looked completely lost. And his face was buried in his hands. Ariel frowned and finally walked over, sitting crosslegged in the same bed he had sat down on. "Hunter," she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder, despite being worried that he'd shrug it off. She didn't know what to say, because he was obviously completely out of it. And not happy. Panicking. "Hunter, you can't freak out like this," she finally said, her voice soft, and she was careful to not reprimand him. It wasn't as if she wanted him to be ashamed of telling her this. She smiled a bit. "It's a baby," she mumbled. She wasn't sure if that'd just freak him out even more, but it was what it was. "And if Agnes has decided to keep it, then you're going to be a father," Ariel continued, either wanting to scare him so much he couldn't get more scared, or to see the positive in this. "And I honestly don't think a baby could be luckier than that, cross my heart and hope to die if I am lying," she added, completely serious. Hunter continued to underestimate himself. All the time. But Ariel wouldn't ever do that. She'd learned the first time. He honestly thought he was a bad person. Which was ludicrous. He was one of the most protective people she knew, thing was he seemed to think he needed to protect others from himself. Which was stupid. So he had his negative sides, but nothing that said he'd be a bad father. Ariel honestly, with all her heart, believed that Hunter wouldn't fail his own child. He was too responsible for that. Now it was only to see how he'd react to her words, because Ariel was sure it would be something unexpected.

Maybe, if Hunter hadn't had a thousand thoughts racing through his mind - maybe, if he was able to stop panicking for even a moment - he would have felt the way Ariel was studying his face. Maybe, if he wasn't trying so hard to avoid her eyes, he would have seen the hurt in them when he retreated. Usually, Hunter was so attuned to Ariel that he could decipher her mood without much effort. But at the moment, Hunter had never been so ignorant of her feelings in his life. He couldn't even register the color of her hair, let alone her expression. Because his head was swimming with thoughts about Agnes, and Jack, and children and how he really didn't even like them and how he really should have just stuck to firewhiskey to distract himself from his misery the year before. It wasn't until he felt the bed sink down beside him, and heard his name in Ariel's soft voice, that he finally gave her his attention. Letting his hands slide up into the hair, his elbows still resting on his knees, Hunter angled his head and slowly - reluctantly - finally raised his eyes to meet hers.

He felt her hand on his shoulder, and he was instantly torn between wanting to shrug it off and wanting to reach up and grab it. In the end, he just didn't react, instead listening to her words. And as she calmly told him not to freak out, he felt himself let go a bit. Because he'd already told her. Regardless of what she thought of him for it, he'd gotten the hardest part over with, and it was almost too easy to launch into what was on his mind now that she'd addressed him. "Well what the hell am I supposed to do, Ariel?" he asked desperately, though it wasn't exactly a question that he expected to be answered. "I mean, holy shit, could the world decide that it hates me any more than it already does? After Jack, I was just - " Distraught? Lost? A complete asshole? All of the above. "And finally, for the first time since then, I've felt like I haven't completely lost who I used to be. Finally, shit was starting to go right, with dealing with Jack and my family and school and Aoife and - " Shit. He'd forgotten about Aoife. Again. "I had to tell Aoife I couldn't make it. Ariel, do you realize that I've spent pretty much my entire life trying to get Aoife to go out with me, and I'm not even going to get a chance and - "

Finally, he cut himself off, because if he didn't he felt like he'd go on forever, and just freak out consistently for the rest of his life until he died. Which was potentially better than having to face the problem at hand. But at Ariel's mumbled words, he froze, and it didn't take more than a few seconds for the color to drain from his face. Baby. A fucking baby. Completely unsettled by the idea, he just remained silent and let Ariel continue. If Agnes decided to keep it. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't know," he replied, a bit of his anger finally returning and mixing with the panic. "She never told me. It's been three months, and she didn't even think that it might be a good idea to mention it and - " It was just completely ridiculous, that Agnes wouldn't have told him. "I mean, why would she keep something like that from me? Did she think I wouldn't find out? I mean, obviously, I'd find out eventually, she can't hide it forever."

Going to be a father. Again, Hunter was disturbed enough to fall into silence. "Ariel, Agnes and I aren't even - I mean, we never were - " He wasn't so sure how to put it, and after failing twice, he tried again. "We've never been together," he told her, stressing the word together so that she would hopefully understand. Friends with benefits was the only way to describe their relationship. Not even friends with benefits, really. More like moody, angst-driven fellow insomniacs with benefits. "And she hasn't spoken to me in weeks. It's not like we're all of a sudden going to be one big happy fucking family!" Under less serious circumstances, the mental image might have been humorous. But in this case, it wasn't. Not even a little bit.

Despite his panic, Hunter felt as though he'd been able to keep an ever-so-slightly level head in explaining things to Ariel up until that point. But as she spoke her last statement, saying that no child could be luckier than to have Hunter as a father, he felt himself snap. "Don't say that!" he retorted harshly, feeling anger rise in his chest. Feeling the urge to hit something return forcefully, Hunter grit his teeth and quickly pushed off the bed, distancing himself from Ariel. "Don't ever say that," he repeated, turning around to face her, fury flashing in his eyes. "Ariel, I can't even be a good friend half the time, or boyfriend, or brother!" Without realizing it, he was crossing the room again, closing the distance he'd just put between them, until he was standing right in front of her. "Ariel, look at this!" he exclaimed desperately, holding his fist up in front of her face so that the scarred knuckles were right in front of her eyes. "Look at that!" he continued, pulling his hand away and gesturing at the wall, where he'd just shattered a potion vial. "Look at what I did to Agnes, to Seren, to my family - Ariel, even to you." What would it take for her to understand? "I hurt, or fail, everybody that's ever been important to me! Why the hell can't you see that?!" Why was she so blinded to the kind of person that he was? No child would be lucky to have him as a father.

Ariel didn't speak for a long time. She decided to let him rant, and to not help him with words when they obviously only put fuel on the fire. What could he do? Pull himself together and think about things in a rational way. If he and Agnes were never a couple, and never would be, well it wasn't as if that was something you never saw. Hunter was just panicking, and Ariel figured she'd just let him. One happy family? Well shit, there was no such thing. Even when her father was alive, despite having the best family she could have asked for, one happy family was just bullshit. You didn't grow up without scars from your family. You just didn't. Ariel wanted to retort back at that, but she decided against it, because it really wouldn't help him. Ariel didn't want to underestimate the seriousness of the situation though. She really didn't. Becoming a father? HUGE. When you're not even in a relationship? Even bigger. But it didn't really change the facts did it. Agnes was pregnant, Hunter was the father. Would panicking really help him? No. But stopping it was a feat even Ariel didn't think she could pull off.

Ariel was almost ashamed that Hunter's sudden outburst shocked her so badly. Of course it would. She should've expected that. But in difference to the last time he shouted, this time Ariel didn't feel like he was lashing out on her, but himself. Which had basically been what he'd done the last time, except for the fact that he'd actually managed to hurt her bad enough to chase her away. When he stormed back to her, she frowned and looked at his hand. It was the scar she'd laughed at way back when she'd only been a friend to Hunter. He'd punched a wall. Well, who cared? Ariel's mother had punched a wall before, it wasn't as if it was out of the ordinary. Ariel had punched a fence once, didn't mean she was cruel and incapable of being a mother. Why was he overreacting so badly? Seriously, he had too much of an issue with himself. Sure, he had his violent side, but when had he ever actually hurt someone? He'd pushed her away, yes, and with Seren he broke up because it just didn't feel right. How was this a reason for him not being a good enough father? It was ludicrous.

Ariel shut her eyes at his question and shook her head. "Just shut up, Hunter!" she groaned and turned around, getting of the bed on the other side of him, before turning back to look at him. "Are we friends now?" she asked. "How's your relationship with Lyra? Worse than before? How's Seren doing? Is she suicidal? Does she stay in her room all day, crying her eyes out? What about Agnes? What on earth did you do to Agnes that was so bad, Hunter? Didn't you guys comfort each other during a bad time? Not to mention it bloody well takes two to get pregnant. And for Merlin's sake, stop blaming the world!" she said incredulously. She took a deep breath and walked over to him. How could he really be so blind to his own attributes. "Hunter, you're my best friend. Why would I think of you as my best friend if you weren't worth it? I'm not a person who feels bad for someone and becomes their friend, Hunter. I become someone's friend because the person is great and kind and funny. We all have our faults. And how many times have you used your scarred fist to hurt anyone else but yourself?" she asked, hoping he'd just understand. That was all she wanted him to do.